Living in the same small town I felt I haven’t seen in awhile. 

Day 21:

I have lived in the same house for the 19 years I have been alive in the same farm town. With a whopping population of 1,774 people total and a graduating class of under 200 people and a frontier styled farm town it should feel as if your town is one large family. For many it does feel this way me however only ever felt this way because its how everyone else felt.  I now understand I will NEVER understand my small towns mentality.

Do you ever feel like you are living your life in auto-pilot? The last few years I lived in that way, I just went with the movement, did as told and excelled at work. I hadn’t stopped and looked up from the next task or mission for more time than necessary. Once I stopped taking Ven my town suddenly looked alive again everything blooming. Gorgeous farm houses, green grass and fields for miles I found myself smiling at these things again. There is nothing more fascinating to me than a tree standing tall in the middle of a field it did not originally belong. I see it as a symbol of myself in a town full of others who I feel don’t understand me and my way of thinking.

I began this blog to help me understand things outside of this town but right now I am still trying to figure out myself and my own thoughts. I write to help me sort out what is racing through my head post Ven. When I was taking Ven I felt so robotic.  Three weeks without Ven and I remember why I wanted too get out of this town so bad in middle school. I also however and becoming more aware of how beautiful this town as well as how much it does have to offer.

In a small farm town you typically will find a tight family type of community. One that when you fall are always there to pick you up and help you through any crisis and this is true. I feel this is the only positive to what I like to call is the “small-town” mentality. This mentality causes teachers, old coaches or a parent of an old friend you never nature or grow-old. Whoever you are at graduation is whoever you will be in this world is how I feel they think.

My boyfriend and I are two very different people than we were in high school. Last week I was on the phone with an old coach of mine and when we went to hang up she asked me where I was off to I replied my boyfriends for the night. She then proceeded with statements implying I was not making smart choices. This is exactly what I will NEVER understand about this town, with no disrepect intended. I was so confused auto why she would say this even though she hasn’t spoke top me in years, she suddenly knows what it best or me?

Now don’t get me wrong having this tight family like community to fall back on is really awesome but you know how its REALLY annoying when your sibling goes through your room.This is exactly how this mentality works you never have privacy ever, everyone constantly knows your business. This was very hard for me growing up feeling like there is nowhere to hide or get away for a second. It is so easy to feel trapped by this town if you’re lucky you will get away but you may however be back to raise your children and fall into the cycle. Or the extra lucky ones get out and get away and experience other ways of living.

The biggest thing that is so awful about my small town and why it is SO easy to get in with the talk is that we have no mixture of any race, religion or cultures most families are the same. If people in my town had more experiences outside of it I think they would realize too how close minded the small town thinking really is. It is hard to be different in a school of fish but thats is why there is an entire ocean.

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